For the last two months we have been planning for the heart walk in Indianapolis. Several family and friends participated in the weekend with us. We had strongsilas.com shirts made for us all to wear and we were able to raise 800.00 for congenital heart defect research. 

We spent Friday at a beautiful park just spending time as a family. We even got treats from the ice cream truck (we live in the country so our children never get that experience). They thought that was really cool. They even ate one for silas🙂

That evening,back at our hotel, we met up with some of our best friends the fillas. We enjoyed dinner and swimming. My younger ones kept saying it was the best time of their lives. I was happy they could have a fun time in memory of their little brother. 

Today we were up early to enjoy the heart walk.  It was raining in the early morning and I was nervous about how we would handle the rain with little ones. As soon as we got there the rain had stopped and the sun came out. Could not have been more perfect.  They had a great turn out and were able to raise 55,500. The mile walk was through the beautiful Butler University. I was not prepared for the jealousy I would feel seeing some of the parents with their heart warriors. By no means do I think they have had the easy way either. I broke down a few times wishing my circumstances were different for this walk. But at the same time I found myself smiling at them and sharing that look of “I understand you”.  The kids enjoyed every minute of it. They felt as if it was a big celebration. Which is exactly what we wanted, to celebrate his life. 

After the walk we went out for lunch. The waitress asked about our shirts. After explaining to her what they meant she started to tear up. She told us she lost her 5 mo. 20 years ago and wanted her top to go towards strongsilas.com. I thought it was very sweet of her. 

We plan to do this yearly to shed light on CHD’s and to remember Silas. I want my children to always remember their little brother and at the same time to help others.

 This Thursday his headstone will be placed, which ironically Is my due date. It has felt like this chapter was never closed due to waiting for his gravesite to be complete. I guess I never understood all the emotions of death and importance of the burial until now. I know he is in heaven and not at the grave, but it gives me peace knowing he still has a place here on earth.   

I miss him so much and would have done anything to fight for him to stay here with me, but I am also glad he is not suffering. But in fact rejoicing with Jesus and his whole heart.  One day we will see you again my little boy. You will forever be in my heart💕

Psalm 139

1 You have searched me, Lord,

    and you know me.

2 You know when I sit and when I rise;

    you perceive my thoughts from afar.

3 You discern my going out and my lying down;

    you are familiar with all my ways.

4 Before a word is on my tongue

    you, Lord, know it completely.

5 You hem me in behind and before,

    and you lay your hand upon me.

6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,

    too lofty for me to attain.

7 Where can I go from your Spirit?

    Where can I flee from your presence?

8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;

    if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,

    if I settle on the far side of the sea,

10 even there your hand will guide me,

    your right hand will hold me fast.

11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me

    and the light become night around me,”

12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;

    the night will shine like the day,

    for darkness is as light to you.

13 For you created my inmost being;

    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

    your works are wonderful,

    I know that full well.

15 My frame was not hidden from you

    when I was made in the secret place,

    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.

16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;

    all the days ordained for me were written in your book

    before one of them came to be.

17 How precious to me are your thoughts,[a] God!

    How vast is the sum of them!

18 Were I to count them,

    they would outnumber the grains of sand—

    when I awake, I am still with you.

19 If only you, God, would slay the wicked!

    Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty!

20 They speak of you with evil intent;

    your adversaries misuse your name.

21 Do I not hate those who hate you, Lord,

    and abhor those who are in rebellion against you?

22 I have nothing but hatred for them;

    I count them my enemies.

23 Search me, God, and know my heart;

    test me and know my anxious thoughts.

24 See if there is any offensive way in me,

    and lead me in the way everlasting.