Last week would make one year since we first found out that God was going to bless us with Silas.  When I think back to a year ago we were filled with such excitement as we always are when we find out that we are expecting another baby.  Who would have ever thought our family would have gone down this path of losing a child.  I sure didn’t.

This journey has brought out some ugliness in us-to be expected, but overall we have grown a lot in our faith and trust in God.  It has made us more aware that life is to short to wait for tomorrow.  Five years ago we felt that God had called our family to give over our control as to the size of our family.  Psalm 127:3-Behold, children are a gift of the Lord, The fruit of the womb is a reward.  It doesn’t say Behold only a certain amount of children are a blessing.  We had to  get past the stigmas society have put on us that a large family either means that a child is deprived, not taken care of, or there is not enough love to give each child.  Of course I do realize this can be the case in some situations.  For those reading this who do not know me, I want to explain that we hold no judgement to others who have only decided to have one child, two, or no children.  That is your own personal journey with the Lord ,or if not a believer a personal decision .  We actually were done at two, ha!  So I write this not to convince everyone that a large family is the only way to go, but to explain the never ending question of “Are you done now?” And it will help further explain the next part.

Being a parent is exhausting whether it is one child or ten, but I don’t think I have met one parent after having a child wish they never had them.  Parenting is plain out hard, but so rewarding.  From a Christian perspective it is my mission field that God has called me to.  What better place to reach the souls of an unbeliever and to raise them up to be women and men of God.  Also, I just love them.  They are a part of me.  When we lost Silas I never wanted to be pregnant again.  I was angry and told God “I made this hard decision to give control over to you and you give me a child only to take him away!  How mean and unloving!”  In my heart I knew that was not the case, I was just angry, and sad.  I knew God had a purpose in all this and that following Christ does not mean that everything will just be perfect.  Life is full of ups and downs including death.  As time has passed we have healed emotionally and spiritually.  We began praying that God would bless us with at least one more child.  I am about to be 41 and did not know how much time I had left to conceive.  I am an old mamma:)  I still ache for Silas to be with me.  I still think of him a dozen times a day.  I still have moments when I will cry over the loss of him.  I did not want my last child to be one that was lost in such a tragic way.

Just days after the one year mark of finding out about Silas, we found out we were expecting again, number 9!  We are so thankful and excited at this news.  We are overwhelmed by His love and mercy.  I admit I have some fear this heart condition will happen again-5% chance, but I have to put all my trust in Him.

All my HLHS and CHD families that read my blog, I continue to pray for your little ones and your families.  Let God guide you through your own journey of CHDs.

I have people from many countries who read this blog.  I would love to hear from you and listen to your story.