The last few days have been a wave of emotions.  The delivery of Silas was about what we expected, but with a few glitches along the way.  The actual delivery of him was my longest.  I was surprised because I had in my mind that since he was so premature it would go fast.  I think it was more of a mental issue of holding back due to fear of seeing him be so little and not hearing his cry.  We got to spend as much time as we wanted with Silas.  It was such a precious time for Boyd and I.  The doctor and nurses went way beyond their normal duties to make this process as comfortable as possible.  We had excellent care.  They had so many keepsakes of him made for me to take home.  God gave me such a caring husband to go through this with.  He is my everything-God is good!

I had mentioned this in a Facebook post, so it may have already been heard.  Of course the day we went in for the induction was such a sad, surreal day.  I had such a heaviness in my heart.  So many things going through my mind.  I had already been poked ten times that day and was just not ready to face what lied ahead.  My nurse from my OB’s office came in to see us.  I was surprised by her taking the time to come in.  She talked for a bit telling us how sorry she was that we had to go through this.  She then began to cry and tell us how much we had touched her life.  That she saw how we handled this situation so different than she had seen before.  That we handled it with grace.  She said that we had taught her how to handle situations that may come up in life differently now.  That we have encouraged her to be a better person.  I was bawling as she spoke.  We had named Silas after the missionary Silas in the Bible who traveled far to spread God’s word.  Boyd and I had talked and dreamed that maybe one day as he got older that he may travel abroad and minister to others.  What the nurse saw with us was the light of Jesus shining through us.  Through Silas’ journey he ministered to others by our actions.  At that moment I had shed my first tears of happiness since this all began.  Silas had not passed away just because.  He already started his missionary work.  I felt such a heaviness lifted from my heart.  I had such anger I didn’t even know I had of him being taken away too soon, but that had been released.  The day was still extremely hard, but I knew I could go about the delivery and know that my Silas made a difference.  Then tonight I got on the blog and saw that people from Canada, US, Italy, Brazil, and Germany have read this blog.  I smiled and said there you go Silas you traveled abroad to many places spreading His faithfulness-God is Good!

Tomorrow we go to meet with people from the funeral home and cemetery to make all the arrangements.  Something that I never thought we would be doing at such a young age, let alone for one of our children.  It feels so weird.  Kind of like I am watching a movie play out and it is not really me.  We found a beautiful cemetery close to our home with trees.  That was important to us since Silas’s name means of the woods-woody.  We wanted something close so it was easy to visit when we wanted.  We originally thought we would buy nine plots so we could all be together, but we quickly realized that would not work.  As our other children become older and marry they will want to make their own choices.  So Boyd and I decided we would be buried with him.  We will have an intimate burial with just the immediate family this week.  Something special that all of us could hold onto.  Please pray for us during this time as I know it will be very hard to do and hard for our children to understand.

I read this saying that is a little cliche ish, but thought it was so true.  You were budded on Earth to bloom in Heaven.  God immediately  gave Silas life when I conceived him, but he was not meant to grow here on Earth, but in Heaven.